“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:23 (NIV)
What anxious thoughts I’ve had over the past few months. Fear has crippled me…..worry, anxiety, fear, and panic.
I am so thankful for friends who have pointed me to resources (yes, of course my most important resource is God’s Word) to help guide me through God’s promises to ease these feelings. Here is just a little of what I now know:
Worry: to think about problems or fears, to feel and show fear or concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen.
I have definitely worried! What if I get this virus, or what if one of my loved ones gets this virus and I lose them.
Anxiety: a painful or apprehensive uneasiness of mind, usually over an impending or anticipated ill or an “abnormal” and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by psychological signs such as sweating, tension, increased pulse.
I have definitely experienced this! Even before the pandemic. Now we have to mask up, sanitize even more than before, and be on high alert.
Fear: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger, or a danger yet to occur.
I have feared this virus, but more so the outcome of it. Some have mild symptoms, some have lost their lives. We don’t know what to expect if we get it.
Panic: extension of fear in an extreme form, sometimes in the form of a panic attack.
I have experienced panic in the beginning of the pandemic just thinking of leaving my home.
I have allowed all of these emotions to affect my routine. Before the pandemic, I spent at least 30 minutes in God’s Word each morning. Most evenings, I would then spend at least an hour or two studying. Along came the pandemic. I admit that I was glued to my Bible in the beginning. I was attempting to memorize Psalm 91. However, I allowed these harmful emotions to overcome me to the point that I was numb, and just going through the motions. I never stopped my Bible reading in the mornings, but my evenings were usually spent in worry. I knew I couldn’t continue this way. It was stealing not only my joy, but my life. It was stealing my peace. I can’t feel the peace of God and be anxious at the same time.
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord by with all of you.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16 (NIV)
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].” 2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP)
I realize that my worry implies that I don’t quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in my life. It makes me question my own faith. Don’t I trust God? Is it ok to worry just a little? I am human, afterall. The fear that has crippled me can be set free by God’s truth, if I just stay rooted in his Word….His GOODNESS!!! God’s Word is true, and I should be able to rest in His presence and remember that He is sovereign, and He is in control.
I am a work in progress. This is something none of us have experienced, and I know that I am not alone in my worry. I will not let it consume me any longer. I have hit the reset button, and now that I am back to my regular routine of studying God’s Word twice daily (and I have reset downtime limits on my phone as they were before the pandemic) I am able to deal with my emotions better. You see, God can ease all of our anxious thoughts, if we just let Him.
What do you think?
